


Finally

by Emilia_Dre



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:34:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22114195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emilia_Dre/pseuds/Emilia_Dre
Summary: One Shot about Steve's and Bucky's time in Wakanda before Bucky got frozen again.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Kudos: 32





	Finally

It was late and Steve couldn’t sleep. Like so many times in the last days he couldn’t find any rest. He was sure he had been right and of course he couldn’t let Tony kill Buck. But he was right at what cost? Yes, they had broken his friends out of prison, but they were on the run now, as well. Just for standing with him in this fight. He was pretty sure Tony wouldn’t go after them. This wasn’t about the accords anymore after all but who knew what the CIA or other intelligence services would do. Which meant he had to rely on king T’Challa and his protection and that made him more and more restless, since there was nothing he could do. There was no fight to fight. No war to win. All he could do was wait. And he had never been good at that.

Adding to that there was something else that made him restless. Bucky’s decision to let the scientists in Wakanda freeze him. Again.

He had just gotten Bucky back. His Bucky. The Bucky that remembered him. Remembered them. Their history. Their friendship.

Ever since he had found out that Bucky was still alive and not the old version like it had been with Peggy but a younger version, he had dreamed of this. Of their reunion. He had painted a picture in his mind of what it was supposed to look like. What it was supposed to feel like. He had dreamed of restarting where they had left of. Of having his best friend back in life. The one person who actually knew him. Who shared life experience. And just maybe he had hoped they could take it one step further in this brave new world. A world in which his feelings could be okay. A world in which he wouldn’t have to be ashamed for what he felt. A world in which he wouldn’t have to lie and hide how he truly felt. Who he truly was.

But nothing had gone according to his plan. Well, to be honest it wasn’t like anything had ever gone according to plan when it came to Bucky. But this time it had extraordinarily not gone according to the plan. He had lost Bucky again as soon as he had finally found him. Yes, they had been able to get him back. But at what cost? And besides Bucky was going to leave him once again tomorrow. Taking all of Steve’s hopes for a life together with him.

Steve sighed and turned around in his bed. He thought of getting up and going for a run although it was in the middle of the night when he heard a slight knock on the door.

Slowly he got up from his bed and walked over to the door.

“Yes?”, he asked as he opened the door. “What are you doing here?”, he went on when he saw Bucky standing outside.

“I couldn’t sleep”, Bucky answered looking down at his shoes, “And I just hoped you couldn’t sleep either. Can I come in?”

“Of course.”

Steve smiled and stepped out of the door into his room. Bucky walked right past him and over to Steve’s bed while Steve shut the door behind him and walked over to his bed, as well, sitting down at the opposite end.

“Are you sure you want to do this?”, Steve asked hesitantly, “Are you sure you want them to freeze you again?”

“Yes”, Bucky nodded, “I am sure. I need to do this not. Not only for my own sake but for everyone else’s, as well. I’m sorry. I know we just got each other back. And believe me when I say I couldn’t be more thankful that you found me. But I need to keep me and everyone around me safe. I am sorry.”

“I know.”

Steve sighed.

“I just needed to make sure.”

“I know.”

Silence unfolded between them like a heavy dark veil while they both got lost in their thoughts.

“I don’t think I thanked you yet”, Bucky said after a while.

“What should you have to thank me for?”

“For finding me. For saving me. For everything you did for me”, Bucky explained, “For not giving up on me and for sacrificing everything for me. Your friends. Your life. Everything.”

“It wasn’t a hard choice to make”, Steve smiled.

He suddenly knew it was now or never. He knew he needed to tell Bucky the truth before it was too late. He couldn’t risk Bucky being frozen again without knowing the truth.

“It wasn’t a hard choice”, he said again.

Slower this time. Trying to put the inevitable of just a little longer. Who knew how his best friend would take this.

“It wasn’t a hard choice to make”, he repeated a third time trying to get himself to finally say what he needed to say.

Unable to look Bucky in the eyes he looked down on his hands instead. Feeling the other man’s look on him.

“It wasn’t a hard choice to make”, Steve said one last time, “Because you are the only friend I need. The only life I need. Yes, the friends I made while working for S.H.I.E.L.D. are important to me and yes, I would sacrifice a lot for them. But if it comes to choosing between them and you, I will always choose you. Without hesitating. And I know I will never be able to make it up to them for sacrificing everything for us. But I got you back. At least for some time. And to be honest that is the only thing that matters to me right now.”

“What are you trying to say?”, Bucky asked quietly confusion in his voice.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that you are the right partner. You always have been. Even though it took me a lifetime to admit it. And even though it might be too late now. Considering all things.”

“It is never too late.”

It was only now as Bucky took his hand that Steve noticed the other man had moved closer. He slowly lifted his head to look at Bucky who looked at him. A small smile on his face like he wasn’t sure what he had to expect.

Steve leaned over to Bucky and closed the distance between them. Carefully he placed his hand on the other man’s cheek and pulled his face closer slowly pressing a kiss to his lips. Bucky returned the kiss immediately opening his lips to let Steve’s tongue in.

They took it slowly at first but grew rapidly weary of taking it slow. They had waited long enough for each other. For this. So, the kiss soon became more heated and passionate. Their lips crashing into each other again and again, hungrily taking what they had wanted to take for so long.

Suddenly they were standing in front of the bed rather than sitting on it. Neither of them knowing exactly why and when they had gotten up. But that didn’t matter either way when Steve shoved his hands into Bucky’s hair pulling him even closer and taking over control. Their kiss intensified until Bucky broke it up to take over the control, before his lips crashed into Steve’s again and he shoved him backwards toward the nearest wall.

“I want you so bad”, Steve groaned into their kiss when his back hit the wall.

“I know you do”, Bucky muttered pushing Steve even harder against the wall.

Steve played along and let Bucky take everything he could offer. Bucky’s hand wandered down to Steve’s shirt and without hesitating he ripped it off and threw it to the floor. Steve hands wandered down to Bucky’s shirt, as well, when he took over the control again. He pushed himself off the wall and shoved Bucky backwards toward the wall behind him intensifying their kiss once again on their way through the bedroom and ripping off Bucky’s shirt. Bucky moaned loudly when Steve pinned him to the wall putting his hands next to Bucky’s head, locking him between them and restricting his possible movements. He complied and now it was Steve who took and Bucky who gave. At least for a short while until Bucky put his hand on Steve’s chest and shoved him backwards away from the wall swapping roles once more. While Bucky pushed Steve through the bedroom Steve started to fiddle with Bucky’s pants as he took over control again. It didn’t take long before they swapped roles once more speeding up the game, they were playing with each other. Both battling for control. Both taking over faster and more often. Pushing each other against walls. Grasping whatever they could get a hold of. Breaking up their kiss time and time again, just to crash their lips into each other harder as soon as they had stopped touching.

Steve’s hands still fiddled with Bucky’s pants every now and again, but he couldn’t seem to be able to get rid of them.

“Who needs pants anyway”, Bucky chuckled when Steve just decided he had had enough of it and ripped Bucky’s pants off letting them fall to the floor right where they were standing.

“Shut up”, Steve mumbled and picked up the pace as did Bucky.

Their movements became faster, hastier and harsher. The control shifting back and forth between them just as quickly as it had in every fight, they had fought against each other. Only this time they weren’t fighting each other. Instead they were working with each other.

When they had finally gotten rid of the last pieces of clothing by simply ripping them off each other’s bodies Bucky took over once again and Steve gave up whatever control he had left. Bucky shoved him into the nearest wall engaging their tongues in one last wild dance before he broke of the kiss and spun Steve around pinning him to the wall face first. Steve inhaled sharply and placed his hands on the wall bringing a little distance between himself and its surface. Bucky grabbed Steve’s shoulder with his right hand and hesitated for just a second before he penetrated Steve thrusting his hips forward. The last bit of hesitation and restraint gone although Steve tightened immediately and only hardly managed to swallow the scream that build up inside him Bucky slowly started moving inside Steve.

Bucky didn’t only want this. He needed this. He needed the warmth of Steve around his erection. Needed the way Steve froze up a little because of the pain.

Tightening his grip on Steve’s shoulder he picked up the pace of his movements.

“Oh god”, Steve groaned through his gritted teeth.

“I don’t think he can help you now”, Bucky whispered pushing Steve closer to the wall with another thrust deep into him.

Bucky’s hand wandered into Steve’s hair and he pulled the other man’s head back while he picked up the speed of his thrusts once again. Steve had gotten used to the feeling of Bucky inside him and picked up Bucky’s movements with his own body. Mirroring and amplifying them.

Bucky’s breath was fast and unsteady, and his pulse shot through the roof. He could hear that Steve’s breath was just as fast as his and there was sweat running down Steve’s body. They picked up the pace of their movements once again. In perfect unison like it was meant to be. Like they were meant to be.

Both Steve and Bucky had shut off al their thoughts and given in to their instincts making this feel like just another one of their fights. It was fast and hard and raw and maybe just a little angry. And just as with their fights there wasn’t one real winner. Only this time they might not both loose but both win.

Steve’s right hand wandered down to his erection while he left his other hand in place to stabilize himself against the wall. As he started to jerk himself off, he knew he as already close to the edge. As was Bucky who with a last hard thrust pushed both over the edge. Steve threw his head back or maybe Bucky pulled it back his hands still in Steve’s when they both came loudly moaning the other man’s name.

“Oh god”, was the only thing Steve said when Bucky let go of his hair and his head sank forward against the wall.

He was panting heavily.

“I still think he can’t help you with that”, Bucky chuckled under his own way too fast breath.

For a moment they just stood there trying to catch their breaths and to calm down.

“I’m sorry if I hurt you”, Bucky whispered after a while.

“Don’t be”, Steve answered, and Bucky was able to hear the grin on his face “It was most definitely worth it.”

“Well, I certainly hope so”, Bucky chuckled.

He slowly and carefully pulled out of Steve who sank against the wall in front of him without the support of the man behind him. Bucky closed the distance between them again, slung his arm around Steve’s waist and leaned his head against his shoulder.

“Can I stay here tonight?”, he asked Steve hesitantly, unsure of the answer he would get.

“Of course”, Steve said quietly.

He slowly turned around in Bucky’s arm.

“Of course, you can stay here tonight.”

He took Bucky’s hand and slowly lead him over to his bed.

“We really waited a long time for this, didn’t we?”, Steve grinned when they where cuddled up in his bed together.

“We did”, Bucky answered laughing, “But it was time. After all I couldn’t let them freeze me again without robbing you of your virginity.”

“I suppose you couldn’t.”

Steve was now full heartedly laughing and Bucky tagged along. It was a weird feeling since he couldn’t remember the last time he had really and honestly laughed. But it felt good. Especially because he was laughing along with Steve.

“Can I tell you something more serious?”, Bucky said after some time.

He had stopped laughing and had lifted his head slightly of Steve’s shoulder to look at the other man.

“Of course”, Steve nodded.

“Okay. You know this wasn’t just about the sex, don’t you? I love you, you know? I have always loved you. Even when Hydra was in my head. There was always a small part of me that still loved you. A part that knew something wasn’t right. That something was missing. It only came to me that that something was more a someone when you threw your shield away back in D.C. That was when it started to dawn on me that the thing that was missing was actually you. I had no clue who you were. All I knew was that I knew you. And that was somehow enough to get me out of my brain washed state. You were the missing piece that I didn’t know was actually missing. And you saved me so many times. Not only when you actually physically saved me but also because you somehow were always there. And I know you lost me probably too many times. But I can’t live like this. Never knowing if I can trust my own mind., I have done it too long and I can’t take any more of it. So, I have to ask you to let me go one last time. And I am so unbelievably sorry about that.”

There were a few moments of silence before Steve answered.

“Well, first of all, I love you, too. I have probably always loved you even though I didn’t realise it before you fell of the train. And I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry that I had to loose you to notice I was in love with you. And then after I was woken up and had finally accepted that I wouldn’t get my old life back. That everyone I had known back then was either dead or about a hundred years old. You suddenly appeared and you weren’t a hundred years old. You looked just like you had looked back in the forties. Well, actually you looked a bit different, but you get the point. And suddenly there was at least a slight chance to get the most important part of my old life back. That is why I never gave up. No matter how many of my friends told me that you wouldn’t remember me. It didn’t matter. You were the straw I had to cling to, to survive. And yes, I have lost you too many times. But the thing is that I might loose you, as well, if I don’t let you do this. So yes, I will obviously let you go ahead and let them freeze you again. Because this way maybe, just maybe, I might get the love of my life back. Healthy and whole. And that makes it worth it, if you ask me.”

“Thank you”, Bucky said, a sad smile on his face.

“There is nothing to thank me for”, Steve sighed.

“Yes, there is. You might just save my life by letting me go. Again.”

“You better spend that life with me when you come back”, Steve answered.

“I will. I swear I will.”

Steve pulled Bucky a little bit closer in his arms and for the first time in god knows how long he felt calm and like he could finally rest. For the first time in forever he felt like maybe everything could be alright if he just waited long enough.

He looked down at Bucky who had already drifted off to sleep curled up in the warmth of his arms, a small smile on his relaxed face. Steve couldn’t help but smile, as well.

With the knowledge that just for tonight everything would be like it was supposed to be, he fell asleep.


End file.
